Friday, November 17, 2023

The holidays bring lots of “family togetherness,” and while it’s fantastic to see your relatives, all those personalities in the same room can make things spicier than Aunt Millie’s jalapeno mac-n-cheese. Many families have that certain someone who takes great joy in fueling conversations with divisive topics and inflammatory comments and/or who seemingly earned an advanced degree in thoughtless, left-handed compliments. Just the thought of spending extended time with them raises your blood pressure, but there are things you can do to gracefully navigate the tenuous situations family holiday gatherings can bring.

First, pray. Really! But don’t wait until you’re ringing the doorbell. Instead, starting today, pray and thank God for each person you’re likely to encounter, even those with challenging personalities. Pray that God’s presence would be felt at the gathering and his peace would rule. And pray that you will be a light for God (Matthew 5:14).

Next, memorize scripture and personalize it. Do you struggle with keeping quiet when things go off the rails? Perhaps personalizing James 1:19 would be appropriate: “Lord, help me be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to get angry.” Check out this podcast for some further discussion and tips about this.

Third—breathe! If divisive topics are the dinner table conversation of choice, take a few slow, deep breaths before responding. Did you know that this simple exercise can override the stress response in your body? God’s design is quite amazing—slow, deep breaths help us relax and give us time to think about our response rather than just reacting impulsively.

Fourth, come prepared with topics and questions that can both direct the conversation and help you get to know your family and friends beyond a surface level. Generally, people simply want to be known and heard. This holiday season, take the time to really listen to those around you. This podcast shares a great sample question you might incorporate.

Finally, practice gratitude! Pause and appreciate all the good you see in the moment. Shift your focus to what is right. Whether it’s the really great food or the chance to see someone you don’t get to connect with often, praise God knowing that every good and perfect gift is from above (James 1:17).

Wishing you and yours a very blessed and joyous holiday season!