Friday, May 17, 2024

Last week we explored how loneliness impacts all areas of our lives. This week we’re going to look at what Jesus’ Parable of the Soils can teach us about cultivating the life-giving friendships we crave.

The Path

Matthew 13:3-4
He [Jesus] told many stories in the form of parables, such as this one: ‘Listen! A farmer went out to plant some seeds. As he scattered them across his field, some seeds fell on a footpath, and the birds came and ate them.

Many people feel stuck right from the start when it comes to friendships, and it’s often their own false beliefs that hold them back. Our beliefs drive the way we approach people—or don’t. We tell ourselves stories as a result of past encounters without stopping to question whether or not they’re true.

Lauren believed she wasn’t the type of person people wanted to be friends with.

Hannah believed she was a terrible person no one liked.

Meagan believed God must not care how alone she felt.

These beliefs are like the birds that eat the seeds before they have a chance to sprout. They keep us from reaching out, following up, or approaching certain types of people. Every rejection cuts deep, and we berate ourselves for not being better at making friends. There must be something broken inside of us.

But we are not doomed to rehearse these false beliefs forever.

As Martin Luther wrote, “You cannot prevent birds from flying in the air over your head, but you can prevent them from building a nest in your hair.” We fight back against lies by replacing them with truth. Memorize scripture, pray, journal, or talk with a trusted mentor. By addressing the thought patterns keeping us stuck, we will start to see our behavior shift as well.

The Rocky Soil

Matthew 13:5-6
Other seeds fell on shallow soil with underlying rock. The seeds sprouted quickly because the soil was shallow. But the plants soon wilted under the hot sun, and since they didn’t have deep roots, they died.

Even when we’ve tackled our false beliefs, it’s easy to get caught in a rut that looks something like this:

Commit to making friends

Push ourselves outside our comfort zone to attend a gathering

Make a promising connection that ultimately never goes past “hi, how are you?”

Head home defeated, just as lonely as before, and decide we can’t make friends

Sound familiar?

Those shallow interactions don’t satisfy our desire for meaningful community. And the key to creating deep friendships is, quite simply, time.

Research shows it takes around fifty hours for someone to go from being an acquaintance to being a friend. Obviously the quality of the interaction matters, but the science still stands. If you only spend an hour a week with someone, it would probably take close to a year before they became a friend.

Our modern culture loves rapid results and saving a few extra minutes. When it comes to relationships, though, that will only lead to superficial connections. If we want deep friendships that don’t quickly wither, we can’t throw in the towel too early. We need to be intentional and keep putting in the hours.

This article was written by Sarah Pagel, Programming Intern and regular contributor to the LivingItOut Devotional.

Note: A version of this article was first published on TheRebelution.com.